So here's the deal:
If all you had to say about the 2016 GOP presidential primary race was, "Yup, Trump was a short fingered vulgarian last week, and an embarrassment to the leaders of his nominal party, and a man with iconic bad hair – and he is this week, too!", you probably didn't make the cut this morning. (Unless you're Matt Bors, below, and you go meta.)
And if you don't trust Iran but the only reason you're really against the nuclear treaty is because Obama's for it, or if you think that the treaty is only between the US and Iran, and that no other countries are involved, you probably didn't make the cut.
And if you perpetuated the bullshit in the doctored documentary on Planned Parenthood – whether you knew it was bullshit or just bought the bullshit and never bothered to find out that it wasn't – you are so far from making the cut that the light rays from making the cut won't make it back to you for thousands of years.
And if the latest mass shooting of Americans by Americans on US soil (but it wasn't an act of domestic terrorism, damnit! – that's commie talk!), or the latest incident of police violence against unarmed civilians, has pretty much exhausted your supply of new ideas for expressing your outrage and dismay, you are most certainly forgiven, but you probably didn't make the cut either.
I'd like to help you out, I really would, but we've got new realities to adjust to around here.
Today's toons were selected by a panel of judges who abruptly found themselves out of work, after NBC dumped both Trump and his Miss USA pageant, from the week's offerings at McClatchy DC, Cartoon Movement, Go Comics, Politico's Cartoon Gallery, Daryl Cagle's Political Cartoons, About.com, and other fine sources of toony goodness.
p3 Picks of the week: Mike Luckovich, Gary Varvel, Signe Wilkinson, Clay Bennett, Matt Davies, John Deering, Phil Hands, Rebecca Hendin, Kevin Kallaugher, Mike Lester, Ted Rall, and Matt Wuerker.
p3 Misguided Science Award: Stuart Carlson. (Pretty sure Trump's ego would have the same mass on a planet twice the size of earth. But it would weigh twice as much.)
Adjusting to the new realities, Part 1: Ann Telnaes watches as America goes dead from the neck up.
Mark Fiore suggests a care-and-feeding regime for The One We Do Not Name.
Adjusting to the new realities, Part 2: Tom Tomorrow marvels at the species that gives up immediately.
Keith Knight conducts yet another thought experiment.
Reuben Bolling brings the 42 episodes you might have missed during those Saturday mornings of your childhood.
Red Meat's Milkman Dan has his moment of self-awareness.
The Comic Strip Curmudgeon brings up an interesting question: How bad at the job does a villain's minion (or henchman, to avoid confusion) have to get before he gets the pink slip?
Comic Strip of the Day revisits the adage about it being what you don't know that gets you.
Adjusting to the new realities, Part 3: In celebration of the New Yorker article this week reporting geological findings that everyone in Oregon and Washington living between I-5 and the coast should head farther inland, here's Superman in "Electric Earthquake," directed in 1947 by Dave Fleischer. Uncredited voice work by Bud Collyer (Clark/Superman), Joan Alexander (Lois), Jackson Beck (also known around here as the voice of Bluto from Paramount's Popeye cartoons, as the world's most polite villain and pretty much everyone else). You can decide for yourself why the villain's lair looks like a coffee percolator of the era, and what Metropolis is doing in Manhattan.
The Technically-Oregon Toon Block:
Ex-Oregonian Jack Ohman ponders hot-heads who imagine they're the cooler heads.
Very Likely Ex-Oregonian Jen Sorensen thinks it's good to be a pundit. (Also, this is the pundit in real life.)
Oregonian Matt Bors struggles against the inevitable.
Adjusting to the new realities, Part 4: The gag in this week's Jesse Springer toon didn't go the direction I thought it thought at first, and now I don't know if I feel sorrier for the fellow in bed or all of us who live west of I-5.
Test your toon captioning powers at The New Yorker's weekly caption-the-cartoon contest. (Rules here.) And you can browse The New Yorker's cartoon gallery here.
The p3 Sunday Comics Read-Along: Pearls Before Swine, Doonesbury, Rhymes with Orange, Zits, Adam @ Home, Mutts, Over the Hedge, Get Fuzzy, Prince Valiant, Blondie, Bizarro, Mother Goose & Grimm, Rose is Rose, Luann, Hagar the Horrible, Pickles, Rubes, Grand Avenue, Freshly Squeezed, The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee, and Jumble.