Dedicated, on his birthday, to my old friend and colleague Steven, who knows the alternate set of lyrics I wrote for this back in high school.*
If your browser won't display the embedded version, click here.*Update: In response to the thousands of readers who were eager to know more about the alternate lyrics in question, let me just say that they were inspired by our non-originalist reading of the Third Amendment in U.S. Government class --
No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.-- and let it go at that.