When they pry my tennis ball out of my cold, dead hands

A few years ago there was a minor existential crisis among bike owners across the land, when it became widely known that several of the most widely sold models of Kryptonite locks, the industry standard, could be picked with a Bic pen in about 5 seconds.

Kryptonite was pretty stand-up about it: Anyone with one of the compromised lock models got a replacement model with a better locking assembly, quickly and with no quibbling. My bike lock key is now shaped approximately like Stewie Griffin's head, for whatever added security value that detail brings.

I mention this because, since I moved to Oregon in 1990, I've had my car stolen twice (same car) and my bike stolen once. Oregon's a nice place to live, but there are too many people dedicated to separating me from my ride. It's tempting to get a horse and saddle--that way, at least, if they stole it, it would be a hanging offense. But I digress.

First, it was Bic pens threatening the safety of our rides when we left them; now it's tennis balls.

Am I the only one who finds this alarming? Car locks can be defeated by a tennis ball with a hole in it? The woman in the video clip seems fairly pleased by this whole episode, from which I can only conclude that she's a car thief. No owner would greet this as good news.

It's depressing to think we may have to institute background checks and mandatory waiting periods before you're allowed to purchase that next can of Wilson XDutys, but that may be where this is headed.

I mean, tell me you'd trust this guy around your car.