Hint: You're never as funny as you think you are

While we're all waiting for the other prosecutorial shoe to drop in DC:

Only idiots who never encountered the phrase "quit while you're ahead" would expect to improve their situation by sending a cease and desist letter to The Onion after getting parodied by them.

But apparently the only lawyer left in the White House who isn't frantically trying to keep Rove, Libby, and Cheney out of jail has done just that. You've heard about it by now: They've gone after the satire publication for unauthorized use of the Presidential seal.

Trent Duffy, a White House spokesman, said that "you can't pick and choose where you want to enforce the rules surrounding the use of official government insignia, whether it's for humor or fraud."

O.K. But just between us, Mr. Duffy, how did they find out about it?

"Despite the seriousness of the Bush White House, more than one Bush staffer reads The Onion and enjoys it thoroughly," he said. "We do have a sense of humor, believe it or not."

Of course you do, Mr. Duffy. And so did this guy.

And naturally, it took Yahoo Search a whopping 0.36 seconds to locate stills of CNN using the Presidential seal in graphics to promote their coverage. No mention of legal threats to them yet. Not even here.

And no word of legal recourse from the White House here either.

This reminds me of a story that's made the rounds for years. Google the key words and you'll find a lot of variations, at least of the set-up. I originally heard it from former National Lampoon editor P.J. O'Rourke, speaking at his alma mater Miami University around 1975 or 1976. Most people know the first part: NatLamp ran magnificent parody ads, often indistinguishable from the real thing until you were already hooked. A famous one showed a VW Beetle floating in the water, with the caption "If Ted Kennedy had driven a Volkswagen, he'd be President today."

(You can see the ad here, although the text isn't legible. To read the full transcribed text, go here.) Most people remember the ad vividly--including many who never saw it, I suspect--but here's the rest of the story as I remember O'Rourke telling it:

VW took umbrage and sued NatLamp for millions and millions of dollars (one version says $33 million), which of course struggling-along-on-a-shoestring NatLamp didn't have. (Why VW would threaten suit, but not Kennedy, is another matter.) So NatLamp said to VW, What else can we do to make this right for you?

VW said, Print an apology.
NatLamp said, Fine, no problem, doesn't cost us a dime. Consider it done. What else?

(Some versions of the story say the text of the apology was, "Even if Ted Kennedy had driven a Volkswagen he wouldn't be president today." But I've never seen that verified.)

VW said, We also want all copies of that issue off the newsstands at once.
NatLamp shrugged and said, Okay, but that'll take a little time. Will you give us . . . uhm . . . three weeks?

And VW, who knew a lot about cars but not a lot about publishing, apparently, said, Okay.

It's a monthly magazine, guys. Even without the publicity of the lawsuit, it would have been off the stands in three weeks anyway. The lawsuit story made it sell out even faster. (If you tried the link to The Onion, above, and it took forever to get through--same principle. When will these people ever learn?)

So basically NatLamp walked away from a multimillion dollar lawsuit for free, and got a great story to tell in the bargain.