Part I-A: Statement of (Anti-)Thesis: A
parade of D-Listers, scraped up at the last minute because Ted Nugent
and Tim Tebow wouldn't make themselves available, launched an
evening's worth of attacks on Hillary Clinton, while offering nothing
in the way of positive policy ideas.
Part I-B: Diversion: The Melania Speech
and the utterly inevitable tsunami of plagiarism jokes that followed.
I have to say I felt a little sorry for the current Mrs. Trump –
not a lot, but a little. True, she certainly knew what she was
getting into when she signed on to be arm candy for a rich American
jerk, but I imagine that even her iron-clad pre-nup didn't have a
clause covering the reading a speech in her second language at a
national political convention in a context where if there was one
blunder she'd be gutted like a fish inside of half an hour on
Twitter.
Part II-A: The Soprano Aria: Donald
Trump Jr. stuns the crowd with his a capella rendition of "Tomorrow
Belongs to Me."
Part II-B: The Trial: The Governor,
advances charges that Hillary Clinton had trafficked with Lucifer,
engaged in witchcraft, and committed marvelous and supernatural
murder, and promises a hangin' if she'll not confess.
Part III: Betrayal from Within: Cruz
Agonistes, in which our hero laments:
Why was my breeding ordered and prescribed
As of a person separate to God,
Designed for great exploits, if I must die
Betrayed, captived, and both my eyes put out,
Made of my enemies the scorn and gaze,
To grind in brazen fetters under task
With this heaven-gifted strength?
Part IV – I'm Ready for My Close-Up,
Ms. Riefenstahl: With a lot of
hand-waving and podium-pounding and lower-lip-protruding, Trump
delivers a long, excedingly dark acceptance speech which, as Molly
Ivins, of the p3 pantheon of
gods, remarked
in another context, probably sounded better in the original
German.
Part V – Epilog:
In which white supremacist and former Klan Grand Wizard David Duke
announces that the nomination of Trump is an omen appearing strongly
to favor his campaign for the United States Senate, and Hillary
Clinton steers away from Trump-ish drama by selecting the most
un-Elizabeth Warren-y figure imaginable for her running mate.
Outraged fans of Senators Warren and Sanders contemplate whether this
is indeed the final straw, apparently failing to appreciate that if
Tim Kaine is indeed their worst fears realized, there's hardly a
better place to keep him out of mischief than the Vice Presidency.
If you executed
one of a zillion variations on the Melania-blithely-stealing-a-famous-quote
theme, you almost certainly didn't make the cut this week. On the
other hand, if you noticed that anything else was happening this week
other than the Republican convention, you most likely got a second
look.
Today's toons were selected following a
shut-out of all other contenders by the Rules Committee from the
week's offerings at McClatchy
DC, Cartoon Movement,
Go Comics, Politico's
Cartoon Gallery, Daryl
Cagle's Political Cartoons, About.com,
and other fine sources of toony goodness.
p3 Picks of the week: Mike
Luckovich, Clay
Bennett, Jeff
Danziger, Matt
Davies, Jim
Morin, Tom
Toles, Gary
Varvel, Matt
Weurker, and Monte
Wolverton.
p3 Best of Show: Matt
Davies.
p3 Legion of Merit: Chan
Lowe.
p3 Catching the Problem Everyone
Else Missed Award: Joel
Pett.
p3 "When They Outlaw Behavioral
Therapists . . . " Certificate: Darrin
Bell (although in defense of the otherwise-indefensible officer
who fired the shot, and who shouldn't be allowed to have a toy truck,
let alone a loaded gun, he did shoot the unarmed man in the leg,
rather than in the belly; so, you know, there's that).
p3 "Perspective: Use It Or Lose
It" Award: Steve
Kelley.
Ann Telnaes
captures the
fiery oratory of Cruz on Night 3.
Mark Fiore tries to keep track
of just
what it is the short-fingered vulgarian wants to make America,
anyway.
Tom Tomorrow demonstrates why
there is no Donald Trump Drinking Game: Everyone would be dead of
alcohol poisoning by late afternoon.
Keith Knight explains that
frozen moment when everyone sees what's on the end of every fork –
and
it's you.
Reuben Bolling invites
you to participate in Donald
Trump's Augmented Reality.
Carol Lay
examines post-hairstyle-change
remorse. Hey, we've all been there.
Red Meat's Ted Johnson knows
that any tactical response depends on advance planning.
The Comic Curmudgeon notes that
the usually-adorbs Mutts
took a dark turn this week.
Comic Strip of the Day not
only explains why
the donut wasn't powdered but produced a line I'm going to be
duty-bound to repeat at some point: "a foggy smear of
unplumbable probabilities where reality has no meaning."
Humans are suckers for dogs – all
you gotta do is give them the "soulful eyes" routine!
"Little Orphan Airedale," directed in 1947 by Chuck Jones
from a story by Tedd Pierce (both uncredited, along with voice work
by Portland's Own Mel Blanc and musical direction by Carl Stalling of
the p3 pantheon of gods),
is the very first appearance of Charlie Dog (like Smokey, he doesn't
have a middle name). The essence
of Charlie's character is his search for a master (usually, but not
always, Porky Pig) and a comfortable home – a search he's no less
optimistic about simply because he's so obnoxious that no one wants
him. (The original version of the story was "Porky's Pooch,"
directed in 1941 by Bob Clampett and written by Warren Foster. We may
check that out next week.) Charlie got a total of five appearances in
Warner Bros short films. Watch
"Little Orphan Airedale" on DailyMotion (warning:
autoplay).
The Mighty Oregon Toon Block:
Ex-Oregonian Jack Ohman looks
on the bright side, to
the extent that there is one, of Trump's apocalyptic acceptance
speech.
Documented
Ex-Oregonian Jen Sorensen traces
the backlash from that guy living over his parents' garage all
the way up to the man who will soon get a national security briefing
from the CIA – generated an non-convention event this week.
Matt Bors zeros in on an
important distinction.
Jesse Springer returns to a
topic that was the blackberry seed in his wisdom tooth for quite
awhile back in the day: The unsuccessful relationship between
Oregon's health care exchange and Oracle the IT company that created
its unsuccessful online registration management system. You'd think,
with a name like Oracle, somebody would have seen this coming.
Test your mastery of the
toon-captioning Force at The New Yorker's weekly
caption-the-cartoon
contest. (Rules here.)
And you can browse The New Yorker's cartoon gallery here.
The p3 Sunday Comics Read-Along:
Pearls
Before Swine, Doonesbury,
Rhymes with Orange, Zits,
Adam @ Home, Mutts,
Over the
Hedge, Get
Fuzzy, Prince
Valiant, Blondie,
Bizarro, Mother
Goose & Grimm, Rose
is Rose, Luann,
Hagar
the Horrible, Pickles,
Rubes, Grand
Avenue, Freshly
Squeezed, The Brilliant Mind
of Edison Lee, and Jumble.
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