So here's what we know:
If Obama takes legal, Constitutionally provided-for, unilateral action regarding immigration, against the will Congressional Republicans who swore in January 2009 to renounce him and all his satanic works whatever they might be, even if they were essentially the same actions once taken by St. Reagan the Beloved and
Dubya the Forgotten Poppy the Unforgiven, he'll likely be impeached by the House.
If Obama prevents the big Internet providers from slowing down selected parts of our access to the web (ask Netflix about that one) as a matter of profit-seeking, or ideological preference, or both, that's an affront to the free market. Just like Obamacare, which affronted the free market by leaving health care for all Americans who aren't on Medicare or Medicaid in the hands of the for-profit insurance companies – one of the most hated sectors of the economy. So yeah, that's probably an impeachable offense, too. (Our ace in the hole here may be that the red states where online porn viewing is most prevalent will wake up some day soon and realize that ending net neutrality will slow down their streaming porn.)
And if, heaven forfend, he struck a non-binding accord that doesn't require Senate ratification with China that might have the result of dialing down carbon emissions for both countries by 2020, and even if it doesn't will certainly leave us no worse – well, yeah, that's probably going to strike the Republican climate change deniers who will shortly chair key committees on science, on technology, and on the environment as ipso facto a high crime or misdemeanor too.
Funny that the current difference between a "moderate" Congressional Republican and a "fringe" Congressional Republican is that, while the former would dearly love to impeach the Kenyan Socialist Fascist Pretender Obama for something as much as the latter, the "moderates" are holding back because they remember how badly the last pointless impeachment trial went.
Oh, yeah. And most Americans probably don't realize that landing the probe on the comet wasn't done by us, because America – hell yeah! America! – doesn't do that stuff anymore. Can we impeach Obama for that, too?
Today's toons were selected by people who are no scientists from the week's offerings at McClatchy DC, Cartoon Movement, Go Comics, Politico's Cartoon Gallery, Daryl Cagle's Political Cartoons, About.com, The Nib, and other fine sources of toony goodness.
p3 Picks of the week: Mike Luckovich, Steve Benson, Stuart Carlson, Jeff Danziger, John Deering, Bob Gorrell, Walt Handlesman, Ted Rall, Rob Rogers, Signe Wilkinson, Lalo Alcarza, Robert Ariail, Daryl Cagle, Matt Wuerker, and Monty Wolverton.
p3 Best of Show: Matt Davies.
p3 Legion of Merit: Tim Eagan.
p3 Croix de Guerre (with six-hour wait for service calls): Jim Morin.
p3 "Attaboy" Certificate of Recognition for Monetizing the Internet While Apparently Not Understanding How It Works: Chip Bok, Ken Catalino, and Dana Summers.
p3 Award for Best Adaptation from Another Medium: Clay Bennett.
Ann Telnaes looks at the high cost of internet deregulation.
Mark Fiore muses on the gap between what people believe and who/what they vote for.
Tom Tomorrow looks at what we got for the most expensive midterm election in human history.
Keith Knight gets an unfortunate surprise, but learns an important fact.
Tom the Dancing Bug frets that even Lucky Ducky, the poor little duck who's rich in luck, isn't feeling so lucky these days.
Red Meat's Milkman Dan gets called into the office, just for showing some initiative.
The Comic Strip Curmudgeon looks sadly at some profoundly depressing existential ennui. And this from a comic strip that long ago stopped calling Thurston, the alcoholic neighbor, "Thirsty."
Comic Strip of the Day has a fascinating 75-years-ago post that explains riddles you didn't even know were riddles. The more you know!
Whaddya know! Anudder customer! "Jerky Turkey" is a minor holiday classic directed in 1945 by Tex Avery, of the p3 pantheon of gods, during his MGM years. Uncredited voice work by voiceover legend Daws Butler as the Durante-esque turkey, and Bill Thompson (who did a lot of work for Disney over the years) as the hunter. As usual for Avery, sight gags abound – it barely makes it ten seconds at a time without throwing in something like The House of Seven Gobbles (well, where would a turkey hang out?) – as well as topical references like cigarette rationing and gas rationing (the C sticker on the Mayflower).
The Big, And Getting Bigger Since We Threw Out The Rulebook and Welcomed Back The Departed, Oregon Toon Block:
Ex-Oregonian Jack Ohman offers birthday wishes to an American institution.
Hypothetically Ex-Oregonian Jen Sorensen salutes the Fitzgeraldian first-rate mind of the American low-information voter.
Matt Bors looks at the enduring power of a ridiculous analogy.
Jesse Springer offers some suggestions for further food labeling. (And again, for the record, I think the important issue with GMOs has less to do with food consumption than with the consequences for subsistance and organic farmers of treating genetic information as intellectual property. But maybe that's just me.)
Test your toon captioning kung fu at The New Yorker's weekly caption-the-cartoon contest. (Rules here.) And you can browse The New Yorker's cartoon gallery here.
The p3 Sunday Comics Read-Along: Pearls Before Swine, Doonesbury, Rhymes with Orange, Zits, Adam @ Home, Mutts, Over the Hedge, Get Fuzzy, Prince Valiant, Blondie, Bizarro, Mother Goose & Grimm, Rose is Rose, Luann, Hagar the Horrible, Pickles, Rubes, Grand Avenue, Freshly Squeezed, The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee, and Jumble.