Or the one about how anyone can grow up to be president?
Here are some more for your current-events delectation:
If everyone knows a top-tier NCAA coach is an widely-documented abusive, bigoted jerk, they won't give him more rope just because his team is winning.
Or how results-oriented No Child Left Behind education policies would never lead to state-wide cheating schedules as administrators force teachers to protect their jobs?
Or how years of the Bush II administration refusing to enter into disarmament talks with the insane government of North Korea (part of the “axis of evil”TM) would never-- could never -- come back and bite us in the ass?
Or – and oh, this is my favorite! – how the post-2012 election GOP sees – must see! – the error of its ways about, you know, anything?
Today's toons were scientifically selected by the same experts who say that last week's warm weather proves anthropogenic climate change is a liberal hoax, from the week's pages at Cartoon Movement, GoComics, McClatchyDC.com, Time, About.com, Daryl Cagle, and other fine sources.
p3 Picks of the Week: Mike Luckovich, Jack Ohman, Lee Judge, Joel Pett, Steve Breen, Stuart Carlson, Steve Sack, Clay Bennett, Jeff Parker, Milt Priggee, Matt Wuerker, Jen Sorenson, and Monte Wolverton.
p3 Best of Show: Hajo de Reijger.
p3 Animal Hero First Class: John Cole.
p3 Award for Best Adaptation from Another Medium: Chris Weyant.
p3 Legion of Honor: John Cole.
p3 World Toon Review: Olle Johansson (Sweden), Cam Cardow (Canada), Alen Lauzán (Chile), and Petar Pismestrovic (Austria),
Ann Telnaes examines those two well-matched enemies: public opinion versus the gun lobby.
Mark Fiore presents the wisdom of the week: Be safer. Buy more. Buy often.. Not only will you be safer, but so will your dog.
Taiwan's Next Media Animation shows us the night that the (intellectual) lights went out in Georgia.
It was a bad week for icons of the visual arts. We lost Roger Ebert, and we lost Carmine Infantino, the legendary artist of DC Comics' Silver Age – the man, without whom, Tim Burton, Michael Keaton, Christopher Nolan, and Christian Bales would all have a lot less money today.
Tom Tomorrow examines the slippery slope (dare we say “lubricated slope”?) of gay marriage.
I think this is almost certainly the most surreal Keith Knight toon I've ever seen. So much for observational humor this week.
Tom the Dancing Bug reminds us (to paraphrase a beer commercial tag line): It's not superstition if it works.
Red Meat's Ted Johnson and his son consider the importance of family traditions.
Inflamation! I've been cut up! Hmm – there's something phoney around here! Here's “Hold the Wire,” directed in 1936 by Dave Fleischer, animated by Willard Bowsky and the magnificently-named Orestes Calipini, with musical direction by Sammy Timberg, voice work by Jack Mercer (Popeye), Mae Questel (Olive Oyl), and Gus Wickie (Bluto) – all uncredited. “Love in Bloom” is the theme as Olive reads her romance magazines and recurs several times thereafter; the music as we watch Bluto climb the telephone pole is actually called “The Streets of Cairo;” when they fight on the telephone wires, they're singing “Have You Ever Seen a Dream Walking?”; and I suppose I'll have to buy an iPhone to remember the name of the classical bit as Popeye leaps up his own pole. Damn.
And as I've said on more than one occasion before, a lot of Olive Oyl's relationship problems would be solved if she kept her windows closed so Bluto couldn't hear her talking to Popeye.
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The p3 Big Oregon Toon Block:
Matt Bors captures the the splendid irony of fetal rights.
Jesse Springer muses: If the public support for minimal gun control legislation in the US is at an unprecedented high, what can we expect from Oregon's Democratically-controlled legislature and statehouse? Answer: Not much.
Test your toon-captioning skills at The New Yorker's weekly caption-the-cartoon contest. (Rules here.) And go here for an achievement that Roger Ebert said left him "gobsmacked."