The Fourth Amendment, once-proud embodiment of a seven-century tradition of legal rights for the accused, was found dead yesterday on the floor of the US Senate after a long illness. It was 216.
The Fourth Amendment was one of the first ten amendments to the US Constitution, originally introduced by James Madison. Of that original ten, most are on life support or in hospice care; only the Second and Tenth have shown any signs of life in the last eight years.
Attempts by Democratic Senators to resuscitate the Amendment at the scene were complicated by the actions of Senator Barack Obama, presumptive Democratic presidential nominee, who stood on the victim's windpipe while friends struggled to perform CPR. The victim was pronounced dead at 2:47pm, Eastern time.
In lieu of flowers, friends of the deceased are asked to make a donation to the Fourth Amendment's favorite cause.