Tuesday, May 22, 2007

I can make you worth 9 figures! Click here to find out how!

Crooks and Liars are outraged by this, but I think they're missing the bigger picture:
NBC's Jim Miklaszewski reports on how the Bush administration pays the Pakistani government $1 billion a year to hunt down Osama bin Laden, and demands zero accountability as to how that money is spent.

"This is appalling on so many levels," fumes SilentPatriot.

Well, yes, on many levels--but maybe not on all of them.

Here's my idea: Tell Bush you'll track down bin Laden for, say, $600 million. True, that won't even make you a billionaire--for example, you'd still be worth only 40% as much as Oprah is. And how many terrorists has she captured? But remember, that's per year, not a one-time payment--$600M this year, $600M next year--and pretty soon that starts to add up.

Now, I know what you're thinking: How can you capture Osama bin Laden? You're don't live in Pakistan, and you don't know any Pakistani warlords--but then, remember, Musharraf does, and it's not making any difference. So you're really offering the same service.

Still, how can you afford to give them the same service for 40% off, you ask?


At the same time you promise to bring in the number-one man in Al-Quaeda, you also agree--for the same low, low price--to capture the leaders of the Shining Path, the Black Hand, the Red Hand, Black September, Red October, Pink Martini, the Purple Gang, the Symbionese Liberation Army, Aryan Nations, the Wolverines, the Ku Klux Klan, White Aryan Resistance, the Animal Liberation Front, the Earth Liberation Front, PETA, NAMBLA, SPECTRE, SMERSH, THRUSH, and KAOS.

Volume, my friends--that's the secret to low prices.

Sure, you won't capture any of them but, capture, schmapture--it's all about the photo op in the West Wing anyway.

Think it over. And remember, I'll probably be asking for a grant once the first check clears.

1 comment:

Chuck Butcher said...

Where do I put in my application?

My resume has all relevant data: I like GeorgeII. Gack