The Pledge Break Fairness Act of 2005

Congratulations to Oregon Public Broadcasting for hitting its fall membership drive numbers! Now that it's come to a successful conclusion, I would like to propose the following legislation.

This bill, in all modesty I must nevertheless confess, combines the very best of current thinking on social policy with the can-do spirit that has made America great.

• It has bi-partisan appeal.
• It brings supply-side solutions to social problems.
• It removes intrusive government-sponsored programs from the most private areas of our lives.
• And it has an exciting, high-technology "fix" at the center of it all.

Thus, in a humble attempt to give something back to the great nation that's given so much to me, I present The Pledge Break Fairness Act of 2005:

WHEREAS having their favorite public broadcasting programs interrupted by Pledge Breaks is unwelcome to subscriber and non-subscriber alike;

AND WHEREAS manufacturing on-air Pledge Break Banter is an added burden upon the already-overworked broadcast personalities themselves;

AND WHEREAS those loyal listeners who have dutifully pledged their membership dues early in the Membership Drive Week ought to be spared the intrusion of further Pledge Breaks for a decent interval:

THEREFORE BE IT ENACTED:

1. Effective immediately, all new AM/FM radios and televisions sold in the United States shall be equipped with a Pledge Break Discriminator Circuit. The Pledge Break Discriminator will use modified V-Chip technology to automatically detect Pledge Breaks.

(a) When the listener has pledged support to the local member-supported station of his or her choice, that subscriber’s Pledge Break Discriminator Circuit will override the reception of any further Pledge Breaks that week.

(b) Instead, the Circuit will offer the subscriber the choice of ten minutes’ worth of local news and weather, world beat music, highlights from "Wait! Wait! Don't Tell Me!", or Nina Totenberg explaining how the U.S. Supreme Court works.

(c) The effect of this Section shall be to allow those loyal members who have pledged to be excused immediately from listening to any more Pledge Breaks.


2. Non-subscribing viewers and listeners shall continue to receive ordinary Pledge Break interruptions for the duration of Membership Drive Week.

(a) Using the same technology developed by ad agencies for television commercials, the broadcast sound level during Pledge Breaks shall automatically become noticeably louder for non-subscribers.


3. Anyone who attempts to disconnect, defeat, or disable the Pledge Break Discriminator Circuit shall be subject to a fine equal to triple the most expensive membership category level for their favorite station.

(a) Payment of this fine shall not entitle the violator to tote bags, coffee mugs, compact discs, or other membership premiums.

(b) Broadcast and administrative personnel of any member-supported station found to have altered the station’s broadcast signal to get around the Pledge Break Discriminator Circuit--thereby leaving those loyal members who have already pledged stuck listening to more Pledge Breaks anyway--shall be run out of town on a light rail.

In submitting this bill for legislative consideration, I further call for a sincere bipartisan effort to put this bill on fast-track for vote at the earliest possible date--the next Membership Drive is only a few months away.