Let them come to Portland!

If this were "The Daily Show," and I were one of its staff writers, this item would be like a memo from the producer telling me I could take the rest of the week off. It almost writes itself:

The RNC has placed Portland on the list of cities invited to make a pitch for the 2008 Republican National Convention.

No, no--really. The one where they nominate their presidential candidate. Here in Portland. I'm serious. They were serious. Stop laughing.

Of course, the RNC was just being methodical, showing due diligence, by extending the same offer to all cities of a certain size, including Little Beiruit the Rose City. At this point in the decision-making process, I'm sure Portland's . . . uhm . . . unique history with the Bush wing of the Republican party wasn't held against it.

The wickedest take so far on the whole astonishingly bad idea places it in context with . . . well, with another astonishingly bad idea:

In a conference call from his undisclosed location, Vice President Cheney told reporters this morning: "I think things have gotten so bad inside Portland, from the standpoint of the Portlandic people, my belief is we will, in fact, be greeted as liberators.... I think it will go relatively quickly,... (in) weeks rather than months." He predicted that the usual left-wing demonstrators in town would not "put up such a struggle" and that even "significant elements of the Red and Black Cafe... are likely to step aside."

KGW.com (subscription required) predicts that Mayor Potter's response will be "thanks but no thanks."

(If you're curious what the minimum requirements for hosting an RNC convention are--if you're thinking about hosting it yourself, say--you can read them here. The yacht parties for these champions of government austerity would, one presumes, be billed separately.)